TSA redecorates — in pink

The TSA Redecorates — In Pink! (How To Have Your Rights And Your Genitals Violated In More Comfortable And Pleasing Surroundings)

It only seems like a post from The Onion. It’s actually a post on Fodors.com, by Seth Miller: “TSA to Design Calm, Stress-Free Checkpoints.”

Of course, the way you “design” these is by letting me go straight through from the door of the airport to my gate, without violating my right not to be searched without reasonable suspicion that I have committed a crime.

And frankly, the current prison-like setting of the TSA checkpoint and prison-like manner in which I am force to “spread ’em” and be groped by a matron in a prison guard costume are completely fitting.

Of course, gullible and apathetic Americans will probably cheer the redecoration and not see that it’s yet another push to make them increasingly docile when their rights are being taken from them.

Here’s an excerpt from the post:

Plush couches, wall art, and soothing ambient music are not what travelers typically think of when approaching the TSA screening checkpoints. For passengers at two airports, however, that’s exactly what they will find, thanks to a partnership between Marriott’s SpringHill Suites and SecurityPoint Media. The two have partnered up to transform the pre-screening waiting area and the post-screening recomposure area into relaxing, comfortable environments, hoping to lower the stress levels of travelers. The new checkpoint layouts are available today at the E18 checkpoint of Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport and at the E checkpoint at Charlotte-Douglass International Airport . . . While waiting in line before screening passengers will no longer have TSA screeners barking information; the rules and reminders will be provided via recorded messages interspersed with ambient music. There will also be video displays showing TSA reminders, estimated wait times, and sponsor messages. Couches and tables comparable to a hotel lobby will greet those same customers as they exit the screening area; that should be much more comfortable than the metal benches (or nothing) commonly available.

Will getting groped (when there’s no suspicion that you’ve done anything beyond buying a ticket to visit your mom) and having the Constitution ignored in pink light make you feel better?

(Photo: your tax dollars)

(Cross-posted at Advice Goddess)

  • Daisiemae

    Will Marriott also be handing out cigarettes?

  • TestJeff Pierce

    IF YOU NEED a “post screening recomposure area” that IMPLIES something screwed you over really bad in the first place, right?

  • Chris Bray

    “You will now be subjected to a degrading genital patdown by a high school dropout….mmmm, in a luscious mauve and peach setting.”

  • Chris Bray

    You know, as I look at this picture for a second time, I realize that it actually looks a great deal like the lobby of a whorehouse. And, I mean, a whorehouse is a place where one set of people gets paid to grope and penetrate another set of people. Which makes this a totally appropriate design scheme.

    • Chris Bray

      Two minutes after I said this, I read this paragraph in a WSJ story on the new checkpoints:

      “After screening, new zones designers call “recompose” areas have plush couches, high-top tables with foot bars for tying shoes, a big floor lamp and a mirror, all to help people get dressed again.”

      It has a place where you can PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON after they finish with you. Yep, that’s a whorehouse.

      • Back in 2008, before the obscene gropefest that the TSA became, I called that area the Après-Humiliation Lounge. That was when we could still laugh at what they did to us:


      • TestJeff Pierce

        LOL. You win, hands down, in interpreting the post-Constitutional era of airport travel.

  • Chris Bray

    “It’s aroma therapy, sir. Now hold still while I ram my the back of my hand into your balls.”

  • frostysnowman

    Pointless. Unnecessary. Ridiculous. A waste of money. The way to ease the stress and make me calmer when traveling is not to presume I’m guilty of something just because I want to fly, then grope me unnecessarily on the way to my plane.

    I’ll bet those couches will be nice for the screeners to use when perusing the iPads they’ve stolen during slow times at the airport. And I guess the TSA can’t yell at passengers (we are NOT their customers) in these two areas of these two airports, but it’s still OK everywhere else?

  • Annapolis2

    Sickening. You can’t violate a person’s body and belongings politely! The TSA exists to mistreat innocent travelers, to deliberately cast aspersions on anyone who purchases an airline ticket by abusing the ticket purchaser in a manner similar to the experience of an arrestee. If you want to be innocent until proven guilty in America, don’t fly anywhere! If the TSA wanted to make travelers comfortable, they’d get the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of our airports.

  • Susan Richart

    I wonder who sold TSA and Marriott this bill of goods and how much it’s costing us.

  • So obnoxious. Truly, you can’t make this stuff up. And now we’re “customers”??

    Boycott Marriott.

    • CelticWhisper

      Damn. I stayed at a Marriott when I went to Providence this August (via Amtrak, natch*) for Necronomi-CON. Guess that’ll be the last time.

      * and I must add, Lisa, you were right: Sleepers are indeed fab.