Derailment Bingo: TSA Abuse Edition

by Sommer Gentry on May 17, 2014

Bingo!
Have you noticed that comment board trolls are, well, repetitive and boring as they try to derail conversations about the abuse that TSA metes out to its victims? The next time you have to wade through a comment section full of TSA cheerleaders trying to score points by shouting “9/11″ in response to the latest child molestation video or strip-search outrage, take along our handy bingo board! 

Hat tip for the idea goes to WileyWitch.com for posting this lovely bingo card of derailment tactics for people defending sexist and harassing behavior. I even appropriated a few of the entries — because all these people defending the indefensible sound pretty much alike after a while.

Here’s a pdf version of Derailment Bingo in case you’d like to print it out and play at home!

derailment bingo

  • Susan Richart

    That’s great, Sommer! I’m still snickering over it.

  • http://tsanewsblog.com/214/news/history-repeats-itself-with-tsas-strip-search-tactics/ Lisa Simeone

    Sommer, brilliant! Thank you!!

  • frostysnowman

    Love it!

  • Daisiemae

    Wow! I’ve never heard any of those comments before. Are there actually people stupid enough to say that? O brave new world, that has such people in it!

  • Michael Landers

    What? No “move to Somalia, Iraq, etc.”?

  • Michael Landers

    This is why I keep a list of retorts I have used against ignorant comments such as these as many times I find myself just repeating everything over and over again. To me, it’s a small price to pay because it makes refuting these points so much easier when you have a list where you can just select a retort, copy and paste and there’s a lot of TSA apologists and employees on Youtube and other sites where disqus is linked and many more who hate my guts

    • http://tsanewsblog.com/214/news/history-repeats-itself-with-tsas-strip-search-tactics/ Lisa Simeone

      Michael, I keep a similar list. By now it’s 23 pages long. It’s got answers to all the objections and spurious arguments, so I can tailor different responses to different comments. It’s packed with empirical evidence (not that that does any good).

      • Michael Landers

        What you can’t teach blind TSA supporters, you can teach others still a bit confused. Contrary to what you think, I believe the retorts actually do good because not only do I get hate, I also get praise from other people for putting the ignoramuses in their place and showing that nothing the TSA does can be justified

  • Michael Landers

    You also forgot the classic “Flying is not a right” ignorant claim

    • Annapolis2

      Yes! Okay, I wish I had included that. Travel is a privilege for those favored by the government, slave, and never forget that!

  • Michael Landers

    Here’s a list of retorts. I warn you though, some of them are obscene.

    “I fly all the time and have never been patted down” – “What an ignorant fool! “It doesn’t happen to me so it must not happen”? What kind of logic is that? Feel free to leave your solipsistic world and join us in the real world at anytime! This shit happens more often than you wish to believe!”

    “There will always be a few bad apples” – “You could say this about any organization! However, the coven you chose to trust with airport security prefers to praise pedophiles, rapists and thieves for their invasiveness; actions that would surely get them fired or arrested anywhere else! All TSA is is a haven for criminals. There’s no honor in working for them whatsoever!”

    “TSA agents don’t like looking at your body” – “Is that why they “randomly” pull people out of the metal detector line and into the porno scanner line?”

    “The TSA finds guns sometimes” – “You’re another ignoramus who will never take in to account the amount of knives and guns that were allowed on board planes because the incompetent TSA did not see them using the AIT and enHANDSed pat-downs they are so fond of. I say again, if you believe the TSA is needed, it is you who shouldn’t be flying due to your overwhelming fear of terrorists and hijackers.”

    “Don’t you have more important issues to think about?” – “Uhhh… Nope!”

    “The person who patted you down is the same gender” – “You pissant! It’s same gender for the sole and pathetic attempt to hide the fact she is being molested! Get a clue and crack open a dictionary every now and then! If your hypothetical scenario was true, (and thank god it isn’t) explain why many male pastors were defrocked and arrested for molesting little boys!”

    “I have nothing to hide” – (Feel free to retort with any “lack of anatomy” joke here. Preferably a very obscene one)

    “Don’t blame screeners, they’re just doing their job” – “So were the Gestapo”

    “You don’t know whether the TSA has caught a terrorist” – “I can tell you they’ve had at least 20 opportunities to do so and failed everytime!”

    “You’re being overly sensitive” – “Stranger danger anybody?”

    “TSA employees don’t enjoy touching your genitals” – “Is that why people are “randomly selected for additional screening?””

    9/11 – “The TSA will NOT save or protect the public from any terrorist that enters an airport and boards a plane! The chances of that happening are still very slim; the chances of the TSA saving you are even smaller! Look past the bullshit propaganda and fear mongering and you will see that the TSA is an obsolete waste of space and money!

    Had TSA been around on 9/11, all 20 terrorists would have boarded the planes! I guarantee it!”

    “I’m glad they insensitively search children and the disabled” – “Hi Osama, guess the conspiracy theorists were right! You are still alive!”

    “It only takes five minutes” – “Is that why people are told to show up hours before their plane departs? Because it’s over and done that fast? What sense does that make? You see what happens when you depend on other people to do the thinking for you? You wind up looking like a fool!”

    “I’d rather take my shoes off than die in a fiery explosion” – (This retort is one of my favorites) “What? You thcared, wittle chicken shit? Afwaid of the wittle tewowiths gonna thteal your pwane and make it eggthplode? GROW A FUCKING PAIR! I would rather deal with the terror threat, than deal with these walking shit stains you trust with security! Besides, if a terrorist enters an airport, all TSA is going to do is cower in a corner and suck their thumb assuming it’s not in their ass! The chances of a terrorist attack is very slim, the chances of TSA saving you are even smaller! Now fuck off!”

    “The TSA only abuses people who have a bad attitude about screening” – “Thank you for admitting to us that the procedures are indeed punitive”

    “The TSA finds drugs sometimes” – “What drugs are dangerous enough to bring down a plane?”

    “Can you prove your experience is widespread?” – (Too easy, just post links to news stories featuring complaints about the TSA’s degradations)

    “The people at the top make the procedures” – “Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth” ~ Albert Einstein. “The first priority of every American is to question authority” ~ Benjamin Franklin

    “Complain to congress, not to TSA employees” – “They totally deserve any harsh treatment that comes their way! If you want to tarnish your reputation, become a screener! You lose all honor and dignity, GUARANTEED! I’m not going to cut a rabid pack of Junior Hitlers any slack just for “doing their job”! They don’t deserve a job or a family for that matter! They deserve hard time in jail!”

    “What rights did you give up?” – (Another easy one! Show Amendment IV)

    “I don’t care if the TSA looks at my naked body” – “Not everyone is a whore like you!” (Works for men and women)

    “People will hide bombs on their children” – “What? You thcared, wittle chicken shit? Afwaid of the wittle tewowiths gonna thteal your pwane and make it eggthplode? GROW A FUCKING PAIR! I would rather deal with the terror threat, than deal with these walking shit stains you trust with security! Besides, if a terrorist enters an airport, all TSA is going to do is cower in a corner and suck their thumb assuming it’s not in their ass! The chances of a terrorist attack is very slim, the chances of TSA saving you are even smaller! Now fuck off!” (I told you this retort was a favorite of mine!)

    “I’ve been patted down and no one touched my genitals” – “Then lucky for you that pat down was done incorrectly for TSA Junior Hitlers are instructed to especially feel around sensitive areas of all kinds”

    I hope this list of retorts comes in handy for people in the long run while dealing with ignorant TSA supporters

  • Chris Bray

    It is kind of fascinating to directly engage real TSA clerks and see the depth of their rage and self-pity. I’ve always wondered what they think while they’re down on their knees, massaging a sobbing child’s genitals, and I think we have enough information on hand to draw a conclusion: They’re thinking, “What’s wrong with these people?”

    Geez, everybody’a so miserable in my presence — it must be them.

  • Chris Bray

    I also love the way they’re always repeating that they don’t want to see or touch your body, as if the thing being discussed is the topic of personal desire:

    “I do not want Thedala Magee to force her fingers into my vagina.”

    “Bitch, you stuck up! You ain’t all that!”

    • Amy Alkon

      Hah, Chris Bray, points for knowing — and inserting! — that name.

      • Chris Bray

        Although now I do feel like I should threaten to sue myself.

  • Nicko

    “We live in a different kind of world now”

    • Daisiemae

      Michael, please give us your retort to this one.

      • Michael Landers

        I didn’t know America was the name of our world! All this time I’ve been calling it Earth! Still looks very much the same as the day I was born

        Or you could go for a simple “so”

  • Susan J. Barretta

    What we need now is a “concentration” game that matches an effective response to each of these rationales.

    • frostysnowman

      Or flash cards with the question on the front and a reply on the back. I’d buy a deck.

      • RonBonner

        Just don’t have them done in Arabic.

  • frostysnowman

    I like how 9/11 is right in the middle. It’s like the free space in a regular Bingo board.

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