TSA comedy carnival at LAX

by Lisa Simeone on June 12, 2014

CarlRevisTSAphotobyBrad Graverson
You know the line: “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you”? Well, the TSA in Los Angeles has taken it to heart. 

From the Press-Telegram in LA, we have the heartwarming story of stand-up comedy making your trip through the abuse gauntlet fun. And don’t we all like to have fun?!

TSA employee Carl Revis thinks so. That’s why he spools out the one-liners to the hapless, dutiful passengers lined up waiting to be scoped and groped. Revis comes by his comedy talents honestly: he used to emcee weddings:

The 42-year-old Torrance resident has about 10-15 minutes of material, which he recycles throughout the day. He generally closes with the same song, a riff on airport security sung to the tune of “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter from Camp).” In it, he sings all the rules travelers must follow, from regulations on liquids and gels to footwear and head wear.

He gets plenty of laughs, which is part of the goal.

“TSA doesn’t necessarily have the best image,” Revis said. “It’s a sad fact because we have an important job. My job is to change the hearts and minds here, one person at a time.”

Ah, yes, “hearts and minds.” The euphemistic jargon of the military as it prepares to lay waste to land and people. How appropriate that it’s also used here, since our government apparently looks upon all of us as enemies.

And the reporter, Brian Sumers, thinks it’s all so darn cute!

Oh, well. Plenty of people thought Chester the Molester was cute, too. As the saying goes, there’s just no accounting for taste.

(Photo: Brad Graverson, Staff photographer, LA News Group)

  • Robert Hollis Weber

    Why change facts when hearts and minds are so much easier to sway? “We’re going to violate your Fourth Amendment rights, but if you don’t let us, then this adorable kitten may DIE!”

  • http://litbrit.blogspot.com/ Deborah Newell Tornello

    Masking the evils of authoritarianism by presenting a program via entertainment–whether it’s comedy, songs, cinema, puppetry, or rhyming slogans–is an old (and, it must be said, devious and contemptible) practice. The TSA can take their spoonful of sugar and put it where the scanners won’t detect it.

    • Michael Landers

      On the sides of their bodies?

  • http://litbrit.blogspot.com/ Deborah Newell Tornello

    “The TSA: We’ll numb your minds and steal your hearts. No, really, we’ll actually steal them.”

  • frostysnowman

    Ugh. This makes me think of being stuck on the Jungle Cruise at Disney, hearing that same spiel over and over again. Except this isn’t Disney and trying to make me laugh doesn’t change the fact that you will grope me unecessarily if you see an “anomaly” in my naked scan.

    What’s next, squeezing an oogah horn every time they touch a man’s junk or a woman’s breast? Imagine the laughs!

  • RonBonner

    I’m not amused.

    http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/article.php?ModuleId=10005190

    “During the operation, music was played throughout the camp over loudspeakers to drown out the sounds of mass murder.”

    Now I don’t claim that TSA is the same as the Germans in the Death Camps but TSA does use some of the same tactics to intimidate, humiliate, and coerce travelers to to comply with TSA procedures some of which are about anything but the safety of commercial aviation.

    If TSA employees want to gain some respect then I suggest finding a respectful job.

  • Daisiemae

    A smiling sexual predator is far more chilling than one who isn’t smiling.

    Making victims laugh at their own abuse elevates the abuse into a special category of sadism.

  • RonBonner

    Just a note to the blog team. The email us link returns a 404. Please delete this after it is read.

    • Susan Richart

      I didn’t get the 404, but clicking the link returned me to this article. Clicked 3 times, returned 3 times.

  • Chris Bray

    Coercion plus molestation plus shitty, sub-Borscht Belt one-liners? This must be heaven.

    And tell me Brian Sumers couldn’t have found one passenger who wasn’t laughing.

  • Chris Bray

    You can watch this fucking idiot spew his dimwitted bullshit on video.

    • Daisiemae

      Well, that’s moronic!

      Oh, I forgot…it’s TSA. Duh!

      • Chris Bray

        Why did the chicken cross the road?

        Because I’m gonna force you to endure public humiliation while I forcibly massage your genitals! Ba-dump-bump!

        Thanks, folks, I’m here all week.

        • Daisiemae

          Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

          Did you hear me howling all the way from Jersey?

    • Michael Landers

      Why does the TSA screener feel up little boys?

      He’s desperate to find someone with a dick smaller than his!

    • TestJeff Pierce

      He calls the nude body scanner …”the stuff detector”. I’ll tell you one thing it won’t detect…the 4th amendment.

  • Chris Bray

    I just went back and looked at the Press-Telegram story again, just in case I had hallucinated it, and the headline perfectly sums up the state of the country: “TSA screener makes LAX security fun with songs, one-liners.”

    Government Checkpoints Highly Pleasurable, Report Loyal Subjects

  • Chris Bray

    “Stasi Interrogator Does Perfect Carole Burnett Impression, Prisoners Say.”

  • Susan Richart
    • http://tsanewsblog.com/214/news/history-repeats-itself-with-tsas-strip-search-tactics/ Lisa Simeone

      Yeah, Joe Brancatelli. Again. Saying all the stuff we’ve been saying here for over two years. I continue to laugh my ass off at the idiots and holier-than-thous who forked over 85 bucks in extortion money. No sympathy.

      By the way, here’s the last time we wrote about one of Brancatelli’s columns:

      http://tsanewsblog.com/12332/news/media-finally-catches-on-to-tsa-pre-check-scam/

  • Dolt
    • Chris Bray

      That sweater is the only thing in the world that is worse than the TSA.

  • Susan Richart

    Ross Feinstein, TSA Press Secretary, has signed up for FlyerTalk:

    http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/23068962-post1.html

    I wonder if he did so in order to take some of the pressure of West Cooper’s equivocating and disingenuous comments, especially about nitro pills.

  • RonBonner

    Invite him to join us here.

  • Kitten
  • Susan Richart

    AIT is coming to PreCheck! The question: are they there only for those who have implants that alarm the WTMD or are they going to be mandatory for those who are “selected” to use them? I’d wager that we all know the answer to that question.

    “Yes. We are going to expand the use of Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) in TSA Pre✓™ at select checkpoints.”

    http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/23072302-post22.html

  • Guest

    Read here how TSA Flack Feinstein handled the treatment of a wounded Marine at SMF (Sacramento):

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2358616/Purple-Heart-Marine-treated-shamelessly-TSA-tried-explain-roadside-bomb-injuries-prevented-raising-right-arm-body-scan.html

    If you expect anything else out of his mouth, you are sadly mistaken.

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